Paper Fences: My Book of Poetry -6/11/25

In a shameless promotion of my poetry book that went live recently, I’m going to take this opportunity to write about the backstory of it a little in this second blog posting. I feel it deserves an explanation of its origins, plus, the link for it is already shown at the bottom of my homepage, so it makes sense for me to dive into it.

I’ve enjoyed writing since I was a teenager. I discovered poetry writing when I went to The Putney School in the 90s, in Putney, VT. That high school was and is amazing in a lot of ways, and I learned a lot of life skills by going there. Some projects I did as a junior and senior included writing short stories, and to translate stories from Spanish to English (without looking up the English version ahead of time, of course), by Gabriel García Márquez and Pablo Neruda, among others. My pocket Spanish dictionary was so worn after four years that after a certain point, I eventually had to duct tape its spine to hold it together. Learning Spanish was intriguing to me, as I considered it a code to be cracked (I already loved doing crosswords and cryptoquips by this point). I also took one year of French my senior year there. Even though I no longer have any of the poems or stories I wrote back then, I felt I had some good ideas at the time. For many years after that, I didn’t write, as I was too caught up in the humdrum of daily life, trying to eke out a living and figuring myself out.

I went to the University of Vermont directly after high school and became a Spanish major, English minor. I took not just more Spanish but two years of Italian as well, because why not confuse myself more? I loved it, though. So, as you can see, I was always drawn to languages. And it’s so true that you learn way more about the English language by learning other languages. I remember thinking to myself at points: why don’t they teach this stuff in English class?!

To jump ahead: I’m on my third marriage, and so is my wife. The saying “third time’s a charm” seemingly holds true in this case, too! This poetry book is a culmination of all the failed relationships and lessons I’ve learned over the years, leading up to now. The following lines from my poem Anguish are in regards to what I experienced in my first marriage:

Both of us lost in life,

Deluded by white picket fences

After my first marriage failed, it was devastating for me, and I didn’t handle it well. I went through what I call “the dark period.” I drank a lot, joined a Wednesday night pool league with seedy people, and just generally didn’t treat myself very well. I was ashamed and felt like a failure. The line “deluded by white picket fences,” refers to my false impression of what I thought a marriage should be like at the time: you get married, you buy a house with a white picket fence, and you have kids. A fairytale ending. Never mind the fact that I had horse blinders on big time when it came to red flags (and this very much went both ways, as I was young, clueless, and reactionary in a very passive-aggressive way). I came to understand that marriage cannot be simplified like that after her and I fell apart, but it took time. After a lot of self-destruction and hurting a few more people along the way, I eventually ended up having a legitimate panic attack on the side of the road on a snowy day, so I called an ambulance on myself because my hands and feet were numb and tingling, and my lower jaw was quickly becoming numb, which made it hard to sound out the words to the 911 operator. I clearly needed a reset.

I moved back to where I grew up after that, and eventually met my second wife online (my first time ever trying online dating. Believe me, trying to meet someone out and about in rural southern Vermont didn’t produce many results). Her and I were together for seven years and we had a wonderful daughter together five years in, but we split when our daughter was just two years old and after I completed my LNA course (nursing school started that fall). Our daughter is now 10 years old, and she’s one of the most amazing human beings I know.

I picked up poetry-writing again after that second marriage. I needed an outlet because in my head, I failed again. And I don’t remember where or when, but at some point, I discovered a poetry book by Atticus called “Love Her Wild.” That was a huge inspiration for me because I noticed that he has an uncanny ability to evoke feelings with only a few simple words. I’ve read that whether Atticus is actually a true poet or not is up for debate, but to me, poetry is what you do with your words, and the formatting and everything else that comes along with it doesn’t matter so much. My poetry, for example, sort of follows a pattern, but not always. My initial poems started out dark as I was navigating my feelings after marriage #2, but they lightened up over time, as I got myself back out into the world and started to date again. Those dark poems ended up more in the middle of the book, because I chose to rearrange all of them to form a story of sorts.

The last handful of poems in the book are more related to my third (and final!) wife, as I finally feel like I have met who I was truly searching for my entire adult life. Ultimately, how I arranged all the poems in the book was my attempt to loosely show my journey of understanding relationships, how I felt when I was in and out of them, and having it end with a more complete version of myself, i.e. I’ve matured enough to really understand what it takes to be a participant in a solid relationship, and one not insulated by fantasy. That may not be entirely evident as you read it, but to me as the author, it’s very clear how far I’ve come.

On a much lighter note, next week I’ll talk about the wonderful world of maple syrup!