How Learning My Self-Worth Helps Me Become a Better Parent -9/10/25

This post is going to take a different turn. It’s regarding our worth as human beings and how we perceive ourselves. In no way am I qualified to talk about this from a professional standpoint, but over the years, I’d like to think that I’ve learned a lot about myself: my habits, my reactions, my perceptions of myself and others, etc., and I would like to take a few minutes to talk about how I feel I’ve grown as a person, and also how I can transfer WHAT I’ve learned down the line to our daughter.

I wish I could go into every detail of my life but then this would be a novella. So, I’ll keep it as brief as I can before diving into the parenting aspect. I grew up with a calm demeanor, but I also had a short fuse on occasion. I wasn’t like that with everyone; mainly with myself when something happened in a way that I didn’t like, or when in a relationship, there were times that I yelled at that other person. And it was reciprocated. Oftentimes it was fueled with alcohol, which never helps. I used alcohol and cannabis often throughout the years to help shield me from myself and my thoughts. I had thoughts of suicide at two points in my life but with a low-grade depression throughout. Luckily, I never followed through! I even had plans on how to do it, and when I became a nurse, I learned new ways to carry it out. I’ve always felt this void inside me, this little piece of darkness which I imagine would be ovate and about 2-3 inches tall, and very black. It sits inside my chest, reminding me that I have no purpose in life and no worth. I’m just going through the motions in life, I think to myself. I’m bringing this up because I had an epiphany just the other day. My epiphany was that my worth isn’t determined by my negative thoughts of myself, but it’s determined by how I treat others around me and how I can make myself a better person. How can I love myself more? This, I believe, is how to make that void shrivel up. I also recognize that people love me just for who I am, as well. Something I need to keep in mind. 

Now, for many, many years, I had already been working on bettering myself. I consider myself to be a halfway intelligent person, so I always believed that I could figure this out for myself. It turned out that that was only partly true. I have been able to work on myself over time and have made leaps and bounds, however. One technique that I taught myself years ago was to gauge how I react to something, then pretend like I’m stepping out of my own body and hover over myself, watching my words and actions in real time. Slowly, I came to adjust my behavior through an objective viewpoint of myself, realigning my thoughts and learning patience, and that not everything is what it seems at first, so give myself and other people the benefit of the doubt. 

This has been a summer of healing for me, both physically and mentally. I’ve touched on that in previous blogs, however now I’m diving into it a little bit more. Not many people get this opportunity, so I consider myself very lucky to be able to take time off from work in order to heal. I kept throwing my back out at work because I wasn’t taking time for myself to stretch, let alone exercise, and I was in the middle of a toxic work environment that caused me to be miserable, even on the good days. I needed a reset, badly! So, I quit my job in May of this year (2025) and began my journey. I went to physical therapy, began walking more, and took time to reflect on who I am and what my next steps are in life. I also quit drinking because I didn’t like the way it made me feel anymore. I’m honestly still figuring out the next part of my life, but I know that in time, I will be doing something worthwhile and that which will make me happy. I started this blog this spring because it, too, makes me happy to write and to share things with other people. 

My daughter is 10 years old now, but I separated from my second wife when she was two. It came to a point where things would just be better for our daughter’s wellbeing if my ex and I lived in separate households. Some days it’s fine, but other days it’s challenging with communication. Our daughter doesn’t always understand why she’s the daughter of divorced parents, but I know 100% in my heart that this was the right decision. For years I went through the motions of being a single dad. I worked hard, bought a house (with some financial help from my parents), and tried to be the best dad I could be. I was never exactly that “friend” parent to my daughter, but we always got along with little issue. What I didn’t realize was that I was missing certain (required) landmarks with her upbringing. This was kindly pointed out by my current (and forever) wife. I literally had no idea what I wasn’t teaching our daughter. All I knew was that I wanted her to grow up to be independent, strong, and to be a good human being.

Now our daughter is in middle school, and my wife has been the most amazing stepmother to her. She has been catching her up to speed with school and life skills. And now we co-parent very nicely together, even if it’s with slightly different styles. We learn from each other, and our daughter learns from both of us, plus from her biological mother. My daughter is the reason I kept myself alive the second time, years ago. I knew I had to be there for her to help her succeed in life, every step of the way. That’s a promise I made to myself. I have my regrets in life, but they’re a part of who I am, and I must live with and accept them, not to mention to learn from those mistakes. 

Our daughter has been adjusting to her new school, to new rules, additional chores, cross-country running, and soon will be learning an instrument. It can be overwhelming for her, so this past Sunday after I picked her up from her mom’s, I thought I would perform an exercise in resetting ourselves, which involved driving to and climbing up the local mountain that morning. It’s a shortish hike with a very rewarding beautiful view of the countryside. This particular day was cloudy, however, but we’ve done this hike a few times before. Any photos you see included here of a sunny day are from previous hikes up this mountain. Once we arrived at the top, I had my daughter read the included note out loud (apologies for the atrocious handwriting!), then had her hold her hand over her heart and repeat after me: “I am somebody. I am important. My thoughts and opinions count. I am loved.” We hugged it out, hung around for a few minutes looking at nature, then walked back down the mountain. 

While I’m figuring out my life, hers is just beginning, and so it’s always been important to me that she hears “I love you” often, and that she gets lots of hugs all the time. I want her to grow up to be strong and independent, yes, but it’s more than just getting a few scrapes and bruises along the way; it’s about knowing your worth and knowing that it’s okay to be vulnerable. I don’t want her to have that void like I’ve had, and I figure this is a good way to start.